You can run

"Minds running. Words pouring. Sweat dripping. Heart racing. Veins pounding. Chest tightening.  

I want to FEEL this. I want to find this passion for something; this abstract version of obsession. Some say you can't live without it. Some say passion is what keeps your heart in rhythm. 

But what happens if you can't tap into the passion, can't find the door? Can you die without ever have finding your true call of the wild. Your true nature. Is the everlasting hope that it will all work out be enough? The elixir of life to a soul without passion. 

Hope."

I don't know entirely why I just put that in quotation marks....and large...and bold. I mean, I wrote it. Maybe because it's from a different time, a different space. I mean, 20 hours isn't a huge difference, but still. I'm quoting my own words. I'm quoting my own thoughts, to sum it all up. To make the puzzle a little simpler. Well, at least the puzzle in my own brain.

So.

What is passion?

Passion--Noun -- Strong and barely controllable emotion.

Says know all Google and other various internet sources. So simple it seems.

Except when you don't have it. How do you become passionate? Do you decide, or does it (your passion) decide for you? Humans come pre-programmed with lots of things, so why is it so far fetched to have an internal passion already set up for you.  I wish I did. Or knew if I did. That would make it all so much easier.

I feel like I'm not living correctly. That I'm missing some sort of deep internal switch. That my passion button just never got turned on. Sure, there are things I love. But how does one differ between a strong liking, and passion? I get it. It should be mind numbing, soul quenching, heart stopping feelings. It's not that hard to get it from books.

Then I think about it....and maybe passion isn't real. Maybe it's just a figment of ones imagination. Something someone came up with once to make themselves seem greater than the rest. "Oh, you love taking pictures? Well, it's my passion! I win!" And as we all know, the human race is just one big one upping game after another, so why wouldn't it snowball into the bane of my existence by this point.

I feel like it just isn't me alone feeling this though.There has to be other people out there, floundering for their supposed passion. I mean, that's what all the "grown-ups" say. Find a passion, and get a job in it. Once you find your passion, you'll find your place in life. It's like college and passion go hand in hand. Go to college, find your passion. Find your passion, live your life.

So what happens to me if I don't find a passion? Or what if I make up a passion and just pretend? Do I get smacked up by pissy Fate and being deemed a cat lady for the rest of my life due to my obnoxious attitude.

I want a passion. But I can't find it. And I'm afraid that I'm putting too much stock into next year being the answer so I can find it.

Cause if next year doesn't bring me a passion, I don't know if anything ever will.