That moment of complete hope, when you find your Grandpa's old Twitter account.
And the feeling of complete loss, and desperation when you realize that it doesn't mean you get to talk to him.
Your heart drops, you head falls, and the tears you don't want to feel come pouring out.
It's the sudden realization that you don't get to hear his voice again, or get any words of wisdom about life, boys, school, swimming.
That it's just an empty account, a lost part of his internet explorations that we forgot to clean up after he died.
It's just that extra slap of reality that he's gone physically. That it's another birthday without him. Another Memorial Day, another summer, another August 8th, another start of the school year, without the Labor day weekend trip.
And even though you get all those memories from all the fantastic years before, there isn't anything you wouldn't give to get one more day.
Just one more day.
One.
More.
Day.
To just say everything again. To hear his stories about his life, and about Mom as a kid. To get to tell him I have his bear, and hear his story about it. To take him to camp, and to fish. To go shopping with Princess, and take her to the vet. To eat grilled cheese, and a full jar of pickles just at one lunch. To make breakfast. To have him teach me his extra tricks on making the best Swedish Pancakes (besides my mothers). To take pictures of our day together, and to have portraits of him.
To just say "I miss you. I love you."
To let him realize that how much of an impact he made on my life.
Who would have thought one Twitter account, two tweets, and an emotional wreck of a person could cause so many issues?
I won't say that i understand but i think i know the similar feeling. i still to this day find little memoirs and things, of both my grandpa's... and would trade anything to hear and touch and feel them again. i still call my grammar house when i know she's not home, just to get the machine to hear his voice. i pray things and memories don't fade, but i am terrified they will. but i know that they are still with me and that won't ever leave. cling to that. and know your grandpa is smiling on you. cry, but make sure that you flash a pretty little smile in the end when you think of him.
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