They never said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it

I was talking to my brother the other day about getting to go up to the Huron Mountain Club and nanny, which was my summer job last year. Alas, I was supposed to be unable to to it this summer, but something came up last minute so I could go. While I talked to him, he said something that's kind of been hanging around my subconscious for awhile now. I asked him why he wasn't excited for me, since it was all I had been talking about all summer, and he said 'I knew you'd find a way up, no matter what. You're Emily.'

It's got me thinking, about the implications behind what he said. I can't seem to grasp whether its a compliment, or an insult in my ruthless attempts to get what I want. 

It's also got me thinking about if it's really that bad of a thing. To dig in my heels and fight for what I want. Isn't that supposed to be the drive in life? To find something you want so much you'll work your butt off for it? I mean, obviously going to HMC and nannying isn't the greatest or best dream I've ever had in my small life; its more of the bigger picture. 

What's wrong with me going after what I want, and not stopping until I get it? What's wrong with me not being satisfied with second best, second rate, the silver medal in life? I guess I don't want to be labeled as heartless, or unforgiving, but I have standards. I won't deny it, pretty steep standards, not only for myself but those I associate with. Why should I settle with second rate friends who are just hanging around until something better comes along? The same with relationships. Why should I settle with the closest thing available just because I can't get what I want. 

I know what I want (roughly). I want to succeed, and make my mark on the world. I want to fulfill the highest expectations I can for myself, and to find happiness while doing it. I don't want to look back on my life in thirty years and be afraid I missed out on something just because I didn't want to go after it. I want to know that when I die, I left something behind.  

I think it's an approach that some people tend to forget about. They take the easy way out, and settle for the lovely second place. They forget that through the struggle, you get what you really want and that's what really matters. To be able to rest at night, content in the fact that you did what you thought was right. You worked for the relationship that was splitting at the seams, and gave the best you could to get to peak. 

I don't want to be that person. I want to know that when I go to bed at night, I go to bed knowing I did what I could, and that I'm ok with that. More then OK with that. I'm trying not to preach to the choir as they say, but sometimes I feel like I'm talking into thin air; that no one listens to what I say. That these ideas I cultivate and process are nothing more them then dandelion fluffs. 

I don't want my life to be a dandelion fluff. I want it to be something more. And if that means I need to claw my way through, I'll do it. Because My Lame Existence is all my own.