We were living in black and white

All I see is red, now

Just can't dream nothing else

All I see is red, now

I'm drowning, no one can help

Cher is my celebrity crush.                                                                 

        No if's and's or buts about it. 

She is strong, independent

and just utterly beautiful

inside and out.  

She's been through some shit

in her life. 

ran around the block

more than once

but still. 

She is strong. 

She has not only survived

but thrived. 

Sirens through my head, everything you said

Floating lost at sea with sharks around our bed

Wish I heard the call when it was the end

Warnings filled the air but it was too late to pretend

We were living in black and white

Under the grayest sky

Since we've been over, it won't stop

This isn't supposed to be some

creepy fan-girl post. 

It's an awkward appreciation post

of sorts. 

Because damn it, 

I am so excited I could pee 

that I get to go see her perform in April.

All I see is red, now

Just can't dream nothing else

All I see is red, now

I'm drowning no one can help

It's all around me

Red from my heart, red like my blood

Red from my lips when you told me you were done

Red, now

All I see is red now

So as I listen to her newest CD

on repeat

intertwined with my deluxe CD set

from her Believe tour

I remind myself that I am strong.

I am independent. 

I am more than a couple of speed bumps

that have appeared in the snow.

So. 

It's okay 

that I've been crying a  lot lately.

That sure as hell doesn't mean
I am weak.

Used to be that you were every color of my life

A rainbow shining through the rain, cutting like a knife

You were my obsession every night and every day

So when we fell apart the blue was more than I could take

We were living in black and white

Under the grayest sky

Since we've been over, it won't stop

All it means is that I am growing. 

That every day is one more step forward, 

and one more day farther away

from sadness.

I refuse to let 

my college life crisis

define me. 

I refuse to be defined

by a bruised ego

and a slightly battered heart.

I refuse to become some 

shadow of myself.  

All I see is red, red

All I see is red, red

It's all around me

Red from my heart, red like my blood

Red from my lips when you told me you were done

Red, now

All I see is red, now

So in three days,

three weeks,

three months

three years.

Whatever it takes.  

However long it takes. 

I can look back at these posts

and remember this time in my life.

I can watch myself grow

as I find myself again.

As I redefine who I want to be

and who I will become. 

By my choice. 

Not by the actions of others, 

but by who I want to be.

What I deserve. 

Red from my heart, red like my blood

Red from my lips when you told me you were done

Red from my heart, red like my blood

Red from my lips when you told me you were done

I will find my words again. 

To discuss feminism, and 

the human complexities

surrounding me. 

I will move away from the sad,                                                                                                 yet slightly empowering posts. 

I will find my voice,                                                                                                                       and not be afraid to use it. 

I will use my words,                                                                                                                           to define my existence. 

I will not only survive,                                                                                                                                   but I will thrive. 

Red, now

Just can't dream nothing else

All I see is red, now

I'm drowning, no one can help

It's all around me

I will save myself. 

(With the help from my friends

and family)

Rise from the red, 

and renew.