Tick-Tock

I am waiting for the day when my heart doesn't drop every time I hear your name.

That my palms don't start to sweat and I feel sick to my stomach thinking about you.

For the night that I can sleep without being plagued by your voice that I try so hard to drown out in my waking moments.

When I go on Facebook, this insane urge to vomit doesn't boil in my throat and my pulse sky rocket as a Snap chat from you appears.

When I can wake up in the morning and not be disappointed from the moment I open my eyes because I didn't hear from you.

Because I know I won't hear from you.

And I'm tired of hoping that maybe, some morning, you might wake up and realize how badly you actually fucked up.

Cause goddamn it, I don't think you do.

Maybe that's what makes the tears sting the worst; knowing that you have no goddamn clue. That you just easily erased me from your life like a small bug just to be swept under the carpet with all the other girls that crawl out from every crevice trying to get a piece of you.

That you aren't the person I thought you were.

That maybe it was all a lie.

Because how in the hell can you seemingly care so much about a person

but watch your relationship disintegrate without so much as a batted eye

unless your honeysuckle words were just as poison filled as my heart is now.


So read it. Read this. Read every single goddamn word I write. Read everything I want to say but can't say, read every line with the fire that burns behind it. Read it and feel something. Read what I can so eloquently display in black and white, html and pixels, that rush in the rapids of my brain.

Read it and weep.

Because eventually, that day is going to come.

My heart will stay still as you walk by, and the urge to look at your Facebook will fade with my emotions.
My stomach bile will reside safely where it should, and my palms will only be sweaty from working out.
That at night, my dreams will be something I want to live again during the day, not banish with the sunrise.
That one morning, I'll wake up with someone else.

And I won't miss you at all.