Song of the Day: Let Love Bleed Red, by Sleeping with Sirens.
Before your read this, I ask you listen to it. Just to maybe understand where I'm coming from, and to listen to the words that are flowing through my ears as I attempt to wrangle in my own thoughts. I guess maybe just listen to that whole CD in general, but that is the song. Song of the day, the week, whatever you want to call it. It's the song that seems to put it all in perspective.
I cried today. I'll admit it. And I feel like the biggest ass in the world because of it. Cause I'm stronger then this. I know it, and I don't know why in the hell I haven't informed him. It's not the crying that gets me, I'm OK with that. I'm a firm believe that its better out than in with your emotions, and I am perfectly OK with a good cry. I cry all the time.
But what kills me, is what it was over. I'm a strong, independent woman and I don't need anyone to tell me that. I know it, and most days I believe it. But why can't I seem to remember that when it comes to this? Why does it make me weak in the knees, and take me out of the game? Why can't my gut just accept its done, and that it's over. That I was wrong again. That I wasn't enough. That it's all over. And that's that.
OK, so maybe that was over emotional. I'm good enough. I'm more than good enough. I guess I just needed to add the drama to make myself feel better for being so upset. That's the other thing. I don't let myself be upset. And you know what, I have the right too. I try and be the forgiving one, but honestly, I liked the unforgivalbe Emily from high school much better. I have every right to be upset, and I'm going to be. I'm going to listen to Hailey.
I'm going to be mad. And that's OK. I'm going to cry, and you know what, that's OK too. And I'm going to make myself heard. Because I deserve to be heard.
No comments:
Post a Comment