My room is becoming this real life representation of the channels of anxiety that are burrowing in my skull.

I'm done though. I'm taking it back. Starting today. Gone will be the clutter and useless dead weight. I am starting now, to refresh and renew.

I am enough.

I am more than enough.

I am spectacular in so many facets that it's hard for me to figure out where my path leads. As hard as that is for me to accept, due to need to control my game of life, I'm working on releasing my white knuckle grip.

It's a bit more time consuming than can be described and involves plenty of falters, and re-grasping of the safety of familiarity and routine. However, each time I work to let my control loosen and the easy flow of living life by the day instead of the fear it becomes easier. My knuckles are the bright pink of happiness for longer and longer. Every now and then a set back makes me grip tighter and longer than I have in awhile but that's normal. Everyone has their set backs as they attempt to grip onto what is safe and known. It just so happens I've spent my whole life gripping the safety bar.

So I'm done. I'm letting it go, at least for now. I'm going to focus on what I can control, and how I can continue on my path, whatever in the hell that means right now.

Starting now. My room will become a comforting space once again, and I will relinquish my hold on material objects. This summer, I will find my body again through the sun, the water and the pavement. This summer, I will use not only my intellectual brain but my creative one as well. I will take pictures daily, and I will smile often. I will spend hours wrist deep in dirt planting the flowers I love and getting scraped up playing tag with the dog. I'm taking myself back. I am recreating myself around the scars of anxiety.