All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

The clarity is streaming through my veins with the ferocity of a lioness on the prowl. It's overwhelming when the cliche light bulb is lit and suddenly you see your surroundings in an entirely different way. All of a sudden, the light is showing me those hidden pieces, the trap doors that have been lurking in my adventure. Maybe the incessant listening of love songs isn't because I lack in having love, but maybe because I have so much. Maybe, the feeling of loss isn't about a boy, or any number of the sort but about girls. About the 50 girls this year, and the 50 girls last year, and the 50 girls next year.

I love this job. I love these people. I love the feelings that emanate from the building and the sense of home that envelopes me as I breathe in the stale air and the heart beats.  So maybe this 'loss' that is thrashing it's way in my subconscious isn't because I'm searching for someone to fill a void, but because I'm afraid of the void that may appear. That as this chapter of my life closes, I will lose these memories and these important, these so very important people, in my life.

I'm anxious about a void that isn't there.

I have so much to give, and so much love to share that there will never be a void. That someday, I will find another place that my heart fits perfectly, but only because my heart is outgrowing its surroundings.

Its time to move on. I know that. I know that this change will not kill, nor maim me. My heart has run rampant these past two years and maybe it's time for the course to change. Maybe something else needs my undying devotion, and love.

Maybe, it's time to love myself and let my life's adventure play out because I know that I have too much to offer to not share my love again. My time here has been so varied and colored that it's hard to imagine loving anything else, but it will happen. My best passion is my passion for life, and that is why I know it will all work out.

I am sad, and that's okay. In reality, all I am losing is a title. The rest of it? The relationships, the experiences, the undying passion and love -- that's all me.

So I'm losing an outlet to share it. That's okay. Like I said before, I'm going to be someone, do something.

I will grieve this loss but it will be because of love. A love for this world, this journey, and these people. These love songs remind me that there is life after love. Sometimes, it just comes in different forms than we expect.