I just want to write. 

I want to take all of these shut doors and smash them in. 

Smash in the wooden panels and escape the claustrophobia of letting 

'everything happens for a reason' 

become my mantra.

Watch the fragments splinter and feel the rush-- 

of blood to my hand

as it begins to turn the vibrant pink of pain

of adrenaline

as my heart begins to beat out

a new frantic pace

of warmth 

as the light streams in

from the outside world. 

I want to take back the keys

To decide when the doors lock

and when they open

I want to crush out the rhythm

of voices telling me 

to let things happen

to escape the nagging

of my own subconscious

to do more

be more

I want to take all of these ridiculous words

and find something constructive for them.

I want to use my words 

to smash sense into the ignorance around me.

I want to understand the misguided intentions of selfish people

and selfish endeavors. 

I want to stop wanting

and to start being.