For you, Grandpa

Feminism for the Open Minded

       My mind appears to be racing with the thoughts of feminism for the past 24 hours. After reading a thought provoking article, (Click Here) I was forced to re-evaluate my own stances on the feminist movement.
       However, by re-evaluating, I mean re-affirming and only firing up my brain even more. So, here it goes. 



According the Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, the definition of feminism is as follows:

Feminism-- The theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. 

For me, feminism means all of this and more. For me, feminism stands for the ability to actually achieve my goals, without jumping through a different hurdle to prove my worth every day. For me, it means the ability to pave the path for those who follow, so that young girls may be able to just hear stories of the days when women made 77 cents to each mans dollar, and not live it. It means the ability to prove that as a woman, I am just as capable as a man in not only supervisory positions, but leadership positions as well.To be able to make my own choices, and voice my opinion on things that affect the world around me, from contraception to equal rights for everyone.

 For me, feminism is the ability to be EQUAL, and not lesser.

It's not even just for equality for women. Feminism to me also means the ability to give courage to others, in their own battles for acceptance, equality, and livelihood. That some day, skin color and sexual orientation will matter as little as what sort of milk you pour into your cereal every morning. That every living, breathing, HUMAN deserves the opportunity to not only pursue their dreams, but be able to live and enjoy it as well.

I was told today, that I was too impassioned when talking to some of my co-workers. To quote "You're yelling at the wrong people. The people that do that are in Congress." Not to mention, "You just have to wait until they all die out. Eventually when we are 80 things will be better," and the classic, "Just be happy with what you have. You have it a lot better than a lot of other people."

I disagree. Everyone is a factor. If you don't care now, how will things be any different when I'm 80? When slavery was abolished, discrimination didn't just disappear over night. In fact, it still happens. But it is getting better. With every generation of those who not only preach but actually act in tolerance, the world around us grows less hateful. With every day, every moment, every kind hearted gesture, things change.

But nothing would have changed if those strong minded people had just sat back and waited as the world floated by; if they had said "Oh, please, let someone else do it. It'll get better....eventually."

Sadly, it doesn't work like that. Things do not magically disappear with the moon every night, washing the slate clean of not only hate, but generations of preconceptions and notions. People do not wake up, with bright eyes, and a heart full of new ideas. These misconceptions have been handed down for generations, and it will take generations of perseverance to dismantle them.

So I can't sit back, and keep my lips pressed tight. When you say things like "I'll be for feminist equality when women have to sign up for the draft", I refuse to not let your ignorant thoughts degrade my need to create  a better place for my fellow humans. If that's all it takes, for the country to realize that everyone deserves equal respect, then please; Pass that along to our dear President. Let him know that you, genius that you are, have solved all of the worlds problems. Put the women in the draft! Then obviously equality will soon follow.

I would love to be put in the draft, to be able to show that I can hold my own. I would never ask someone to do something that I wouldn't, so why would I suddenly falter at putting my name in to serve our country? Hell, sometimes it's hard for me to even ask someone to call the pizza place because I know I hate doing it!

It scares me sometimes, thinking about the long road that is not only before me, but for others that have the same fire. The thing is, it only scares me in the idea that I might not get to finish all the work I want before I die. A lifetime is two lifetimes too little for the changes that are to be had.

I refuse to sit back though, and be too afraid of not enough time to stop me from using the time that I have.

I am a 21 year old, female college student. I neither hate men, nor do I hate anyone different than I.

I am a feminist, and I am proud of it.

One step at a time

Today, when I was talking to my coworkers about my plans for the evening, they all seemed dismayed at the fact that I was planning on watching a movie, and spending the evening by myself.

However, I feel exactly the opposite. Don't get me wrong, I love people. I feel like I excel at my RA job, and I miss my girls daily. I love spending time with people, and enjoying myself. There is a catch though. There are few people that I wish to share things with, not the masses that surround me.

I'm not a friend collector. I don't absolutely ADORE everyone, and I don't feel the need to call everyone my best friend. If I call you that, it means something. It's not something I throw around, like a left over paper weight to hold down someones ego.

I mean it. I would prefer to have three spectacular friends before I would like to have 900 friends on my Facebook page. I want someone who I can spend time with, and knows me. Understands that as much as I love them, I still enjoy the quiet moments alone.

I can make small talk, and converse, but I don't find the need to talk un-endingly at work. I don't feel like I need to befriend the masses, to endure the endless stories of someone I don't plan on ever seeing again after the summer ends. It's just an example, but you catch my drift. I can make fringe friends easily, but to enter the inner depths of my mind you need to be a bit more important to me.

Which brings us to why, spending the night alone to me isn't the worst thing ever. In fact, it's a refreshing change to have some quiet time. Alone, blogging, and moving my mind more than my body. I don't want to waste my night, filling it with idle small talk just to appease the more extroverted people around me. I shouldn't have to force myself to do something because it isn't particularly understood by those around me.

I get it, it's hard for people to understand this. The want for solitude and quiet. For the pressure to be gone, and the excitement to be more of what movie I watch next, instead of what crazy thing that wasn't in the plan that I carefully made we're doing next. I know people thrive on it, and embrace it willingly. Sometimes, I find myself doing the same thing.

But I also enjoy the solitude. The quiet steps that my mind leads me when I reflect on my life in the past few days.

I love the excitement of going out, and seeing people I care about. But I also enjoy the time with me, myself and I.

I believe in living the moments in both world to the fullest. And tonight, I'm living up my solitude with Tootsie.

This is not what I had planned

It's crazy to think, that another semseter has come and gone. That the time has come for me to relive the past 16 weeks and settle down, back into my blogosphere, and back to keeping my head on straight.

It seems like just last yesterday, that I was writing my goodbye posts to Deja Vu, to the women I was leaving behind and the memories I had made.

Now, the door is shutting on Malibu 2012/2013. Which isn't exactly a bad thing, but a time to reflect. To look back on the shimmering water we've crossed, and to try and decipher the fog that surrounds us in the present.

This year isn't ending exactly as I planned. But I've found that this year I've become much more adept at dealing with change, and not losing my grounding. To understand that the world changing is a part of moving on. That I can't crumble everytime the ground shakes beneath my feet, but only brace myself to carry on as the rubble falls and different doorways are covered, while others are unearthed.

Everyone talks about how it's not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain. Which is true, in some regards. I prefer to think of it though not fearing what lies in the forest ahead, but only focusing on lighting your path as you walk your way. Which I guess is sort of the same, except when you're dancing, your stuck in the same place.

You can't just enjoy the rain stagnantly, you have to enjoy the rain as you move forward. You can't find the new places if you are stuck in the past.

Yes, you enjoyed the rain. Yes, you danced to your hearts content. But you didn't get anywhere. You probably would have been better off packing for your real adventure, rather then dicking around and showering in the rain. Which, by all means, I'm not discouraging you to do. But you can't just look for the fun.

The real world sucks. I've learned that the hard way. And as much fun as it would be to pretend that dancing in the rain can really wash away your sins, it doesn't. All it does is stifle the feelings and the hurt for awhile. You've got to have the fun as it comes around, but the same goes for the hard things. What goes around, comes around.

Everyone gets their fair share of karma, sadness, happiness, love. You've got to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, and realize it all balances out in the end.

Sucky? Yes. True? Even more so.

I guess that maybe this isn't a goodbye post, but maybe more of a realization post that I've grown in more ways then I can ever spend the next three hours writing about.

That without this year, and without these people, I'd have missed my path. I'd have been too afraid for the earthquake to happen, to realize that the world that I'm building around me, with great friendships, and great life experiences. So sometimes it quakes. And sometimes, friendships fail. But that doesn't mean the whole world has to crash with it. Just as some things can be repaired, others cannot. And you can't always fix everything. Sometimes, the best you can do is to help build new things, for your self and others, when the old places, and buildings must come down.

It's nature, to rebuild and to restart. Just because we are human does not mean that we are immune to that. The trick is, learning when to restart, and when to just rebuild.

This is the self-empowering blog post, for those who feel like they aren't good enough.
That they don't matter.
That they need to change to fit into
someone else's perception on WHO and WHAT they should be.
Those people that can't tell
where they stop, and they end.
Those people, who just want to know what it's like
to be loved, to feel love, to love.

This is for those days that everyone has, where they don't understand
exactly who they are, or what they are
Where their soul starts and ends, and where the world around them
begins.

This is the moment
where I put into words to maybe showcase
to those around me
those things that I want them to know,
but can't find the words to say to them

This is the post to eliminate my guilt that I don't say
how extremely, incredibly, undeniably important
certain people are to me.

How I fail in showing how much I care.

Because if I don't show how much I care,

those people will never understand.
That they do matter.
That they never need to change,
that those people UNDERSTAND,
that not knowing where they stop,
and where they end,
are just in the journey,
and that they aren't alone.
That I love them, and that deep down, they know
they love me too.

Because they are just as important
as the sun,
the dirt,
the earth,
the birds and the bees.

This is for those people, who are lost
but are waiting to be found.
not by anyone else,
but by themselves.

For them to wake up and realize
that even if the words are not spoken
that the feelings are there
and in the end,
they impact people in ways every day

These are my words
as jumbled and entirely word vomited out
as they are

I just want you to know
that even if other people don't realize it
I do.

And someday, you will too.

Bathtime

5 pounds

I've lost 5 pounds.

And in the scheme of my weight, or the struggles everyone in the world is going through, it's not so much. In terms of personal growth, it's huge.

Maybe as the layers fall away from the outside, I can grow from the inside. I'm already feeling better, and less sad, and anxious. It seems like the troubles from last semester are faint and things that have made me the stronger, more confident person I aim to be.

I will be that person. I will look like who I am on the inside, on the outside. And maybe once I'm finally where I need to be in terms of myself, the rest of my life will fall into place.

One pound, one workout, one blog post at a time.