Purple Rain

Soft and bright

Louder than a lion

As much as I hate it when people call me Mom, I know it's true. I have this instinctive nature to care about people, truly, madly, deeply.

If you're in that circle, you can be damn sure that I'll go to the ends of the earth to make sure you're safe.

Sometimes it gets me in trouble though. Especially when my instinctive nature comes into play about girls. I've had some really awesome talks with my girls lately, tonight in particular. We moved past surface level, and got into some really crazy conversations. And even if I'm behind on my reading for tomorrow now, I would never change it.

All I want to do is hug them and keep them safe all the time. That I want to go back in time and make sure that all those terrible things never happened. To hug them, and be there, forever and always.

It's crazy how even if they've only been here for less than a week, I'll do anything to take care of them. Momma bear is coming out, and she isn't going back for a very long time.

She was precious, like a flower

It's the eve of the eve of the day move in starts. Which in all reality means, in two days my world is going to turn 12 ways upside down and inside out.

In contradiction to my normal state of mind, I'm beyond excited. I am ecstatic. Enthused. Elated.

I am out of my mind with the possibilities, and the hundreds of new beginnings that I may get to have a part in. The new beginnings I myself will find, and struggle through. To start the new year of growth and opportunity. The ability to find solace in the things that are the same, yet to find adventure in the change that will surround me.

 I could get lost for hours 

in flowers

in the veins that run through 

each delicate petal 

 In the spaces between each section

and in the colors

and the changing layers

 Photographing flowers may be

one of my all time favorites

because

like people,

 no two are exactly alike

 they all have their own personality

and essence

and it's not something that 

you can find by one mere snap shot

you have to search 

to find the deep secrets

that make each one up

 Much like people

they are mysterious

elegant 

youthful

yet mature in their ability 

to let others see 

their inner beauty

I wish that I had the ability

to show my inner beauty

to only those who look

closely enough

and to not be guarded when it comes

to doing so

Maybe it's how I'm finding myself;

that even if I can fit one small portion

of their 'souls' 

so to speak

in my small little frame

I cannot forget about the beauty

that exists 

past the edges

I simply wished

Last night I had a crazy dream

I have crazy dreams a lot 

A wish was granted just for me

but lately, I find my dreams 

center around missing things

It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu

not missing the materialistic things

like 

planes

and cars

and lavish gifts

but making sure 

that I don't miss the important things

But more importantly

The important people

I simply wished, for one more day with you

Maybe it's a sign

But then again,

maybe it's not

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Maybe it's Grandpa

Letting me know, that good things

take time

That I can't push things.

That time unfolds at it's own pace

and if I follow it

I won't miss those important things

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off

I have to enjoy my family

And not worry about forcing a significant other

If he likes me, 

He'll like me for me. 

I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

Until then, I have more than enough love 

from my family. 

Both in blood, and bonds 

I need to cherish

those times I have

and not to forget to hug, and kiss

and to make sure I let them all know

how extremely important they are

One more day

so that in one more day

One more time

I won't regret that the last time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied

I didn't enjoy our sunsets,

our talks

our time

But then again
I know what it would do

Because my fear is always about

'that one day'

where those 'one more days'

don't come any more

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

So I'm changing my mindset

Instead of living in fear

I'm going to live in love

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

So that when that 'one day comes'

and the the thousand other 

'one days' before are done

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

I won't regret

That I wasted any of my days

and that one more day

will come

when my other days on here

are done. 

My kind of crazy

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

I haven't had nearly enough time to settle down, and to grasp what's going on around me.

I've been neglecting myself.

Which in turn, leads to the neglect of my writing.

I just need a reminder, to remember myself. To remember why I love what I love, and love the way I do.

I need someone to remind that I'm that their kind of crazy.

Then maybe, I'll be able remember that I'm worth taking care of.

I know we're only half way there

Breathe. Exhale.

Realize that I don't need to compare myself to everyone else.

That I have what it takes to succeed, and spending my summer painting did nothing to set me back.

I am strong, and more than qualified to do this job.

That just because I have to give a presentation while the one about attending OPE is going on DOES NOT mean that I won't succeed there. That I won't be just as prepared. That maybe, giving the presentation, may give me a better foot forward.

Life does not have to fit into my fine lines that outline my box.

They stretch, grow, reach, and sometimes, bend all the way around.

I'm working, one day at a time, to reel myself back. To pull myself in, and push my boundaries out  at the same time.

To understand that all I can do is control myself, and to not let others control my mind.

That I am actually in control.

That even though some things make me sad, that they in the end make me stronger.

Sometimes, I just need a swift kick in the ass from life.

I'm spending my last night before starting my next year watching crappy reality television, and working on my bulletin boards. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm loving every minute of it. But I can't help to finally feel some apprehension about the next week, two weeks, semester, year.

I've been feeling pretty nonchalant about it all, to say the least. Moving with the flow, and and letting the different feelings ebb and flow. Finally though, I've begun to feel the excitement. The nerves. The just spine tingling feeling that comes with the beginning of something.

Only time will tell if this is something that I'm ready for, or not.

Soft and bright, clean and white