My kind of crazy

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

I haven't had nearly enough time to settle down, and to grasp what's going on around me.

I've been neglecting myself.

Which in turn, leads to the neglect of my writing.

I just need a reminder, to remember myself. To remember why I love what I love, and love the way I do.

I need someone to remind that I'm that their kind of crazy.

Then maybe, I'll be able remember that I'm worth taking care of.

I know we're only half way there

Breathe. Exhale.

Realize that I don't need to compare myself to everyone else.

That I have what it takes to succeed, and spending my summer painting did nothing to set me back.

I am strong, and more than qualified to do this job.

That just because I have to give a presentation while the one about attending OPE is going on DOES NOT mean that I won't succeed there. That I won't be just as prepared. That maybe, giving the presentation, may give me a better foot forward.

Life does not have to fit into my fine lines that outline my box.

They stretch, grow, reach, and sometimes, bend all the way around.

I'm working, one day at a time, to reel myself back. To pull myself in, and push my boundaries out  at the same time.

To understand that all I can do is control myself, and to not let others control my mind.

That I am actually in control.

That even though some things make me sad, that they in the end make me stronger.

Sometimes, I just need a swift kick in the ass from life.

I'm spending my last night before starting my next year watching crappy reality television, and working on my bulletin boards. As ridiculous as it sounds, I'm loving every minute of it. But I can't help to finally feel some apprehension about the next week, two weeks, semester, year.

I've been feeling pretty nonchalant about it all, to say the least. Moving with the flow, and and letting the different feelings ebb and flow. Finally though, I've begun to feel the excitement. The nerves. The just spine tingling feeling that comes with the beginning of something.

Only time will tell if this is something that I'm ready for, or not.

Soft and bright, clean and white

For you, Grandpa

Feminism for the Open Minded

       My mind appears to be racing with the thoughts of feminism for the past 24 hours. After reading a thought provoking article, (Click Here) I was forced to re-evaluate my own stances on the feminist movement.
       However, by re-evaluating, I mean re-affirming and only firing up my brain even more. So, here it goes. 



According the Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, the definition of feminism is as follows:

Feminism-- The theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. 

For me, feminism means all of this and more. For me, feminism stands for the ability to actually achieve my goals, without jumping through a different hurdle to prove my worth every day. For me, it means the ability to pave the path for those who follow, so that young girls may be able to just hear stories of the days when women made 77 cents to each mans dollar, and not live it. It means the ability to prove that as a woman, I am just as capable as a man in not only supervisory positions, but leadership positions as well.To be able to make my own choices, and voice my opinion on things that affect the world around me, from contraception to equal rights for everyone.

 For me, feminism is the ability to be EQUAL, and not lesser.

It's not even just for equality for women. Feminism to me also means the ability to give courage to others, in their own battles for acceptance, equality, and livelihood. That some day, skin color and sexual orientation will matter as little as what sort of milk you pour into your cereal every morning. That every living, breathing, HUMAN deserves the opportunity to not only pursue their dreams, but be able to live and enjoy it as well.

I was told today, that I was too impassioned when talking to some of my co-workers. To quote "You're yelling at the wrong people. The people that do that are in Congress." Not to mention, "You just have to wait until they all die out. Eventually when we are 80 things will be better," and the classic, "Just be happy with what you have. You have it a lot better than a lot of other people."

I disagree. Everyone is a factor. If you don't care now, how will things be any different when I'm 80? When slavery was abolished, discrimination didn't just disappear over night. In fact, it still happens. But it is getting better. With every generation of those who not only preach but actually act in tolerance, the world around us grows less hateful. With every day, every moment, every kind hearted gesture, things change.

But nothing would have changed if those strong minded people had just sat back and waited as the world floated by; if they had said "Oh, please, let someone else do it. It'll get better....eventually."

Sadly, it doesn't work like that. Things do not magically disappear with the moon every night, washing the slate clean of not only hate, but generations of preconceptions and notions. People do not wake up, with bright eyes, and a heart full of new ideas. These misconceptions have been handed down for generations, and it will take generations of perseverance to dismantle them.

So I can't sit back, and keep my lips pressed tight. When you say things like "I'll be for feminist equality when women have to sign up for the draft", I refuse to not let your ignorant thoughts degrade my need to create  a better place for my fellow humans. If that's all it takes, for the country to realize that everyone deserves equal respect, then please; Pass that along to our dear President. Let him know that you, genius that you are, have solved all of the worlds problems. Put the women in the draft! Then obviously equality will soon follow.

I would love to be put in the draft, to be able to show that I can hold my own. I would never ask someone to do something that I wouldn't, so why would I suddenly falter at putting my name in to serve our country? Hell, sometimes it's hard for me to even ask someone to call the pizza place because I know I hate doing it!

It scares me sometimes, thinking about the long road that is not only before me, but for others that have the same fire. The thing is, it only scares me in the idea that I might not get to finish all the work I want before I die. A lifetime is two lifetimes too little for the changes that are to be had.

I refuse to sit back though, and be too afraid of not enough time to stop me from using the time that I have.

I am a 21 year old, female college student. I neither hate men, nor do I hate anyone different than I.

I am a feminist, and I am proud of it.

One step at a time

Today, when I was talking to my coworkers about my plans for the evening, they all seemed dismayed at the fact that I was planning on watching a movie, and spending the evening by myself.

However, I feel exactly the opposite. Don't get me wrong, I love people. I feel like I excel at my RA job, and I miss my girls daily. I love spending time with people, and enjoying myself. There is a catch though. There are few people that I wish to share things with, not the masses that surround me.

I'm not a friend collector. I don't absolutely ADORE everyone, and I don't feel the need to call everyone my best friend. If I call you that, it means something. It's not something I throw around, like a left over paper weight to hold down someones ego.

I mean it. I would prefer to have three spectacular friends before I would like to have 900 friends on my Facebook page. I want someone who I can spend time with, and knows me. Understands that as much as I love them, I still enjoy the quiet moments alone.

I can make small talk, and converse, but I don't find the need to talk un-endingly at work. I don't feel like I need to befriend the masses, to endure the endless stories of someone I don't plan on ever seeing again after the summer ends. It's just an example, but you catch my drift. I can make fringe friends easily, but to enter the inner depths of my mind you need to be a bit more important to me.

Which brings us to why, spending the night alone to me isn't the worst thing ever. In fact, it's a refreshing change to have some quiet time. Alone, blogging, and moving my mind more than my body. I don't want to waste my night, filling it with idle small talk just to appease the more extroverted people around me. I shouldn't have to force myself to do something because it isn't particularly understood by those around me.

I get it, it's hard for people to understand this. The want for solitude and quiet. For the pressure to be gone, and the excitement to be more of what movie I watch next, instead of what crazy thing that wasn't in the plan that I carefully made we're doing next. I know people thrive on it, and embrace it willingly. Sometimes, I find myself doing the same thing.

But I also enjoy the solitude. The quiet steps that my mind leads me when I reflect on my life in the past few days.

I love the excitement of going out, and seeing people I care about. But I also enjoy the time with me, myself and I.

I believe in living the moments in both world to the fullest. And tonight, I'm living up my solitude with Tootsie.