I know I've had too much coffee when my stomach is spitting bile over something I have to do in three weeks.

I also know that after been PROFOUNDLY absent for the past year, I've just overloaded the internet with my internal ramblings.

Which includes today the fact that my anxiety is magnified by coffee, which is also incredibly apparent today.

I thoroughly wish I was the type of person that could thrive on chaos and change, to take life by the horns and make it mine.

I know thoroughly that I am the exact opposite of that type of person and it is so deeply embedded in my DNA I will continue to be this person for the rest of the lives that I live.

I find comfort in the repeating patterns of hours and expectations. I find comfort in a schedule and knowing what is ahead.

There is so much unknown in the world. Between wars and death and sudden life-altering mishaps and accidents, I find that by being able to control what I can lets me take on these tsunamis of changes with a little more grace. And by little, I literally mean little.