I've had a cleansing day.

Who would have thought a snow day could carry off so much weight off of your shoulders?

I am thankful

for the fact that every single day,

I know that I am something 

to value. 

I know that I am worth more than

some guy who doesn't treat me right.

That I,
 in fact, 

deserve so much more

than a fleeting romance. 

I deserve someone who cherishes me

and thank god I know that. 

That even on those days that I may not feel

like the prettiest girl in the world,

or the smartest, 

I know that I am worth more than someone

who treats me inhumanely.

Who treats me as if I am something disposable, 

that is only kept around for when it is convenient 

for them.

That I value myself, 

to know that I deserve more

than a selfish relationship

based on the physical 

attractions

and interactions. 

I deserve someone who can 

challenge me mentally. 

Encourage me to delve into the things

that make me, me. 

Be proud of the fact, 

that I don't be put up with crap

and I plan on doing something with my life.

And you know what?

Whether or not I ever find someone

who thinks these things about,

I think them about myself.

I'm proud of myself.

That, in itself,

is a lot more than many other people can say.

I don't say that enough though.

I don't recognize the things I do every day

to make a difference. 

I'm always so focused on being

better, faster, stronger

that I sometimes overlook the fact

how strong I really am. 

I am graduating college,

and have so many opportunities ahead of me

because I am EXACTLY who I am.

Not because I bend to fit someone else's

mold of their complacent friend,

girlfriend,

or everyday human being.

I may not be the picture perfect

human in every respect but damn it. 

I am doing good things. 

I am a good thing.

I have graduated from the Student Leader Fellowship program,

completed three out of four Superior Edges,

been a successful Resident Adviser,

a successful Student Office worker,

been an active member of Mortar Board,

Special Events Committee,

Hall and House Governments,

 an extremely active member of Women for Women,

serving on and chairing the Hear Us Roar committee 

multiple times, 

while also being the secretary for one year

and now the Vice President.

I have achieved a stellar grade point average,

and made the Dean's list every semester at college.

I have earned outstanding reviews on 

my performance both in my job, 

and in my internships for my major. 

I have received numerous awards,

served on the board of directors 

for the children's museum

and so much more 

that I can't even remember off of the top

of my head. 

And I'm not done yet.
I'm nowhere near done. 

As scared as I am, for the imminent doom

of graduating college, 

I am so passionate about what I am going to do.

I love Student Affairs, 

and I will excel in it. 

Whether it be here at Northern,

or whether it be somewhere five states away.

Where ever I am,

I will be making a difference. 

In ten years, look for me with a doctorate, 

paving my way to changing campus life

in whatever way that may be.

 I will continue to be the strong, confident, capable woman that I am.

Word covered thoughts, pixel covered ideas

I love having inspiration while I sleep. The fact that I was having dreams about sharing my writing, and writing more, just makes me realize how important it is to me. How using my vocabulary to express my inner workings is more calming than a bubble bath and a good book. How the black and white stains the clean page in front of me, and in doing so, cleans the dirt from the lenses within my brain. By writing, I achieve the equilibrium needed to continue, the motivation to continue throughout my path. I need to remember this, as the never ending list of tasks looms, that sometimes it is okay to take a moment to reflect upon myself. To regroup, and move forward clear headed and refreshed, rather than continue on dirty and tired.

Writing to me is so much more than an easy come, easy go pastime. It's fuel for an artistic soul hidden beneath overly analytically mind that functions best on lists and order. The secret staircase to my soul, one that I haven't even fully explored yet myself. It is the step by step descent into freedom, and darkness. Its like a never ending adventure, to find myself. To understand the complexities in the world around me, and to ponder the human race. To define myself in broad spectrum terms, to somewhat encapsulate myself in a way that can be understood. To take the world and pick it apart, and decide what things intrigue me the most.

Writing is my safety, for when my emotions betray me and the crying begins. It allows me to articulate myself and use my words swiftly and correctly. Sometimes, when my emotions overcome me I find myself stumbling through a minefield of words, trying to find my tongue to extract the syllables from my throat. When I write, it's like water flowing through my mind. The words come freely and uninhibited, and bind themselves to the ideas that are floating, wordless and lost; bubbles looking for a protective shell to carry them out in to the harsh reality we live in. The ideas that cannot take shape because the words need to bring them safely into reality are hidden beneath my subconscious.

Writing to me is personal, which may seem contradictory as I post these pixels into the vast internet. Writing is what I do for myself. Writing is how I take myself past the plane of boring college student, into the young adult I find that I am. Writing, is how I think I will make my mark in the world. Writing is not just a facet of me. Writing is so much more.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

People are not disposable entities, things that you may keep around and recycle for years until one day you decide you no longer have a use for them.

People are things that have meaning, things that you nurture and care for like a family heirloom, or a special book from your childhood. They are not the fads of crop tops and leggings. People are not things that you may use carelessly and then toss to the side until you might have a need for it three months from now.

People have feelings.

So before you start up what seems like a harmless flirtation, or go back to an old flame because you're lonely and in between girls, stop.

Think about what you are doing.

Would you want someone to treat you like that?

As high and mighty as this might sound, it's not meant to be. I'm judging, but mainly because as I write I am judging myself much more harshly. These are things I need to remember. People are not convenient, and if I expect a friendship to last, the proper care and time must be placed into it. The effort to keep it safe, and repaired is required.

Today, I am starting with the woman in the mirror.