I have a mind full of words
and none that are making sense. 

I want to write. 

I want to write paragraphs. 

I want to describe every feeling 

that's careening through

my skull

I have stress

but I can't pinpoint why

I am happy

which I can pinpoint to

 multiple sources

I am calm

at least on the outside

I am panicking

on the inside

about  things

I cannot change

or can only deal with 

as time goes on

I would classify myself

as a 

hot mess

straight up

I have thousands of words 

and no matching string

to have them strung together

I just don't really know where to go

This isn't a 

"pity me" 

sort of thing. 

This is a 

mymindissofreakingfullandidon'thaveanywhereconstructivetoputthethousandsofwordsandfeelingsandthoughtsandideassothaticansleeptonightorgetmyhomeworkdonelateroreasemyguiltforbeingsosnottyorforgettingtodothesimplethingsornotstudyingenoughformytestonmondayoreatingtoomuchicecreamtodayorthefactthatidontwanttodoanyofmyhomeworkbecauseijustdontwanttoandidontknowwhatiwanttodowithmylifeorwhereiwanttobeorwhereimgoingtogoorifanyoneisgoingtowanttogotherewithmeorifkarmasgoingtocomeandbitemeintheassforgettingtwoticketsinoneweekorthatthingsaregoingwellinmyhouseandwithroyandthatmaybejustmaybeillhavehitmycoupleofdaysofgoodluckthisyearandthenwhatinthehellamigoingtodowithmylife. 

I have a verbose vocabulary

at my disposal 

yet no way to use them

to ease my frantic mind

So instead

I've written jumbled spit up mess