It's not a silly little moment, It's not the storm before the calm.

I have this awesome urge to write.

I've finally decided to write a novel, based off of the great amounts of inspiration I've had in the past week.

I listened to Curtis Chin speak, about action. About stepping up and doing what's right before the next tragedy happens. To take what happened to Vincent and use it as a lesson of what need not happen again, not as a story doomed to repeat itself. He inspired me that even if it isn't the popular opinion, to do what I know is right. To stand up for others. Something that stuck out to me was his idea, that a if a woman feminist just sits and talks about the injustice for women, it falls on deaf ears. But a strong male making the point about feminism being a much needed reality can have the impact to change. The same goes for a straight person, to stand up for the rights of anyone who falls on the scale of queer, who may not directly identify to 100% straight but somewhere in all the shades of gray. These weren't his exact words, but the general idea. Listening to him speak made me realize that no matter the steps, they all come together to make a difference.

I watched a Ted Talk, by Matt Cutts, about trying something new for thirty days. He made a good point, that these sets of 30 days come and go with distinct regularity, so why not take advantage of them? Take a chance, and step out of your comfort zone. You can do anything for thirty days. In fact, one of his specific examples was to follow the writers challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. The math comes out to about 1,667 words a day, and that's pretty dang doable. So here it goes. Come November, I'm going to throw my hat in the ring and do it, even if it causes me great stress. I've always wanted to write a novel, a memoir, something of substance. So why not now?

Today, I saw a panel discussion about making your dent in the world. The overarching idea had to do with entrepreneurship, but the thoughts, and words of wisdom were astounding, especially those from Nheena. Nheena has been a part of my life for quite a while, through my time on the Board of Directors and my time in 8-18 but gosh I wish I had appreciated it more, and taken the time to have the conversations that could have led to what she talked about today. Her motto revolves around going in the direction she feels is right for as long as she can, and once there, the other options become clearer. She put it much more eloquently, but damn. I try so hard to figure out the whole plan, but hearing that this woman who created such an astounding non-profit and impacted so many people did so by following her gut gives me hope. That by following my gut, and doing what I think is right, it might just lead me in the direction I need to be in.

I did tangible things at my internship, and am learning more and more everyday.  I never really realized how much I really do enjoy what I am doing there, and how much I could see myself there forever. I've been doing everything I love, from taking pictures, to writing, to just everything!

I have so much inspiration.

So many thoughts.

So many words that I want to start pouring into something tangible.

But I'm going to wait. Because I want to do this journey through the month of November. I want to test my skill and not to get ahead of myself.

Sometimes, I get so excited that I forget to rein it in. I need to harness this inspiration, and not just have one fantastic week of it. I need to use it as a guiding force, to lead me to each thing that comes my way.

To be more positive, and to know in my heart that I have what it takes. To have faith in my skills and my ideas.

I will make my difference, somehow, someway.

I have a mind full of words
and none that are making sense. 

I want to write. 

I want to write paragraphs. 

I want to describe every feeling 

that's careening through

my skull

I have stress

but I can't pinpoint why

I am happy

which I can pinpoint to

 multiple sources

I am calm

at least on the outside

I am panicking

on the inside

about  things

I cannot change

or can only deal with 

as time goes on

I would classify myself

as a 

hot mess

straight up

I have thousands of words 

and no matching string

to have them strung together

I just don't really know where to go

This isn't a 

"pity me" 

sort of thing. 

This is a 

mymindissofreakingfullandidon'thaveanywhereconstructivetoputthethousandsofwordsandfeelingsandthoughtsandideassothaticansleeptonightorgetmyhomeworkdonelateroreasemyguiltforbeingsosnottyorforgettingtodothesimplethingsornotstudyingenoughformytestonmondayoreatingtoomuchicecreamtodayorthefactthatidontwanttodoanyofmyhomeworkbecauseijustdontwanttoandidontknowwhatiwanttodowithmylifeorwhereiwanttobeorwhereimgoingtogoorifanyoneisgoingtowanttogotherewithmeorifkarmasgoingtocomeandbitemeintheassforgettingtwoticketsinoneweekorthatthingsaregoingwellinmyhouseandwithroyandthatmaybejustmaybeillhavehitmycoupleofdaysofgoodluckthisyearandthenwhatinthehellamigoingtodowithmylife. 

I have a verbose vocabulary

at my disposal 

yet no way to use them

to ease my frantic mind

So instead

I've written jumbled spit up mess

Midnight Inspiration

http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html?quote=935

tonight, instead of mindlessly listening to music

as I painted my nails. 

I decided to watch a Ted Talk. 

Not something I'd ever done before.
Not something I had every thought about

even doing before

But someone,

mentions quite often that 

they were 'watching a Ted Talk'

while eating breakfast

washing dishes

whatever things, he happens to be doing

at the time

And thus,

I've been intrigued.

He has a habit of making me feel 

like that

So tonight

I decided to check it out.

Ted Talks, that is

Maybe to make myself feel 'cooler'

more intelligent

more prone to understanding the deep things in life

maybe just to be more impressive

if anyone asks what I did with my night

However, 

I found something else.

Something that might just be my infatuation

with public speaking

and writing

but maybe

just maybe 

it's something.

 That I could grasp. 

And use. 

I watched the Ted Talk,

linked at the top of the page. 

Done by Sarah Kay

a spoken word poet.

I'd never heard of her,

 but within 30 seconds 

 I had decided that I wanted 

to know her

I wanted to be able 

to share my words 

like she does

I have listened to many a spoken word poet 

before

generally, due to my friends infatuation with specific ones

but I had never really 

ADORED it

as I adored listening 

to her

Maybe it's because it was something

that I could relate to

Maybe it's because I've never heard

someone actually explain

spoken word poetry

in such a form

Maybe it's because my passions are so overwhelmingly

diverse

that spoken word poetry somehow speaks

to multiple at once.

Maybe it's none of the above

and I'm just grasping at thin air

pulling it out of my ass

But then again.

Maybe not. 

So now I feel inspired.

At midnight. 

On a Sunday.

Well, 

now a Monday.

And I'm not sure what I want to do with it. 

Not to toot my own horn or anything.

Resume for Emily Stulz

---

Address and Phone

1234 E.5th Street
Somewhere,TX 7777
(800)555-1212

Education

Thomas Jefferson High
GPA:3.79

Northern Michigan University
Associates Degree in Welding

References

John R. Friendly
(555)-555-1212

Betty Watson
(555)555-1234

Just in case you were wondering,
this is my practice for my Computer Science Class.
I'm pretty dang proud that not only did I write this out,
I also did all the HTML code for it as well.
Even though the information is false because it's for a project
I'm thinking it's still pretty impressive.