I think I've found my place.
And I will not do anything to mess this up. I feel like I've found where I want to be. It's only been four hours but thus far, I can honest to god say there have been few things that I have felt as right as talking to these girls, and getting to know those who will be my family for the next year.
I feel like I'm jumping the gun. That I'm slipping away into the ecstatic frenzy too fast, too quick, too thoughtless.
But I can't help myself.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I see you over there
As Jackie so blatantly put it, the shit's about to get crazy.
And I can't freaking wait. I have three girls already, whom I can already tell I have a connection with. I'm waiting on the other 49-some, and it's making me insane. Part of me wishes it wasn't coming so soon, but then again, it's all I can do to hold it in.
I feel ready,or as ready as I'll ever be. I know that trusting myself is the first part of the equation and I just have to grasp it. I need to understand that I was chosen for a reason, and life lead me down this path. That I made the right choices to get me here and I can already feel it in my bones -- this is my place. This is where I need to be.
I have a strong support system, in my family, and my staff. Shit, more than I can even totally put into words in this small cramped space of black and white internet musing.
And I also know I have fantastic friends, who understand how much this means to me. Or at least the important ones do.
It's about to get crazy, but I'm tense and ready. It's like waiting for the starting gun on the lake, and I'm just waiting for it to let me dive in. To feel the cool water calming my nerve endings, and to feel the smooth rhythm of comfort flowing from my palms. To feel the pattern begin of breathing every three strokes, and pushing, pulling, grasping, tugging the water. To find the finish, and the feeling of triumph that I have succeeded. That drowning in the bottom of the lake is no longer a possibility, though at the deepest point, I thought the depths would swallow me down. But the perseverance has taken me to the edge of the sand, and the warmth of a towel and a long slow breath. The intake of oxygen the ehale of the feeling of failure. Because the only thing I Have found is myself, and the feeling of finding my fit in the ocean of the world.
Bring it on.
And I can't freaking wait. I have three girls already, whom I can already tell I have a connection with. I'm waiting on the other 49-some, and it's making me insane. Part of me wishes it wasn't coming so soon, but then again, it's all I can do to hold it in.
I feel ready,or as ready as I'll ever be. I know that trusting myself is the first part of the equation and I just have to grasp it. I need to understand that I was chosen for a reason, and life lead me down this path. That I made the right choices to get me here and I can already feel it in my bones -- this is my place. This is where I need to be.
I have a strong support system, in my family, and my staff. Shit, more than I can even totally put into words in this small cramped space of black and white internet musing.
And I also know I have fantastic friends, who understand how much this means to me. Or at least the important ones do.
It's about to get crazy, but I'm tense and ready. It's like waiting for the starting gun on the lake, and I'm just waiting for it to let me dive in. To feel the cool water calming my nerve endings, and to feel the smooth rhythm of comfort flowing from my palms. To feel the pattern begin of breathing every three strokes, and pushing, pulling, grasping, tugging the water. To find the finish, and the feeling of triumph that I have succeeded. That drowning in the bottom of the lake is no longer a possibility, though at the deepest point, I thought the depths would swallow me down. But the perseverance has taken me to the edge of the sand, and the warmth of a towel and a long slow breath. The intake of oxygen the ehale of the feeling of failure. Because the only thing I Have found is myself, and the feeling of finding my fit in the ocean of the world.
Bring it on.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
When you're lost and run out of road
I'm feeling restless. Like I'm on the brink of something worthwhile, but that fate's holding me off from finding it.
I'm sitting in my room, listening to sappy country, waiting for that feeling of relief. That moment that encompasses you like a cold shower, and begins to rinse away my apprehensions and clears my vision. That these cliche comparisons and verbs can actually be transferred into a real feeling, besides a black and white attempt at cleverness. That this all will be all I expect it to be and more.
I wonder if this how it feels in the real world. Those glorious moments while you wait to start the new chapter of your real life. Not that college isn't real life. But I can't help to think that this feeling only gets better as you get older. From the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, or the feeling of finding a new song you love. It grows even more as you begin to the find a new friendship, or the enjoy feeling of a good old fashioned hug. It is something that can envelope everything in a persons life and make it greater.
Or maybe not. Maybe I'm TOTALLY and completely wrong; that this is the best it can get, and it just reaches a standstill form here on out. Even then, I can't say that it's a terrible thing.
Because what I', going to have is going to be fantastic. That I could live the rest of my days in the experiences that are to follow.
That once I've crossed the threshold and begun to discover the path, I'll never diverge again. That I will revel in the feeling that I've found my place.
But until then, the restless will hold; and I'll just have to wait for my chance to embrace the fall.
I'm sitting in my room, listening to sappy country, waiting for that feeling of relief. That moment that encompasses you like a cold shower, and begins to rinse away my apprehensions and clears my vision. That these cliche comparisons and verbs can actually be transferred into a real feeling, besides a black and white attempt at cleverness. That this all will be all I expect it to be and more.
I wonder if this how it feels in the real world. Those glorious moments while you wait to start the new chapter of your real life. Not that college isn't real life. But I can't help to think that this feeling only gets better as you get older. From the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, or the feeling of finding a new song you love. It grows even more as you begin to the find a new friendship, or the enjoy feeling of a good old fashioned hug. It is something that can envelope everything in a persons life and make it greater.
Or maybe not. Maybe I'm TOTALLY and completely wrong; that this is the best it can get, and it just reaches a standstill form here on out. Even then, I can't say that it's a terrible thing.
Because what I', going to have is going to be fantastic. That I could live the rest of my days in the experiences that are to follow.
That once I've crossed the threshold and begun to discover the path, I'll never diverge again. That I will revel in the feeling that I've found my place.
But until then, the restless will hold; and I'll just have to wait for my chance to embrace the fall.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
I'm so much better
I don't want to get too hasty
Or jump the gun with enthusiasm as I tend to do.
I can't seem to hod back the feeling that I'm finally fitting. That this might work for me. I even enjoyed the talk with Mr. Frick today about the Operations side of Housing.
I must be losing it.
Either that, or I've finally found something that can hold my passion for more than a few weeks.
Or jump the gun with enthusiasm as I tend to do.
HOWEVER
I can't seem to hod back the feeling that I'm finally fitting. That this might work for me. I even enjoyed the talk with Mr. Frick today about the Operations side of Housing.
I must be losing it.
Either that, or I've finally found something that can hold my passion for more than a few weeks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)