I'm having some trouble accepting things right now in the world. I can't seem to grasp the different things that are going on around me, or the actions that people in my life are choosing to take.
I know that I can't change the world, or make everything fit into the ideas that I have in my own head.
But with that, I also know when to give a little, and accept things. Accept ideas from others, and be open to whatever comes my way. To take criticism, or helpful hints (I'm working on taking it politely) and be open to new ideas. To try out new thoughts, or adventures, or lifestyles...well to some extent on the lifestyles part. Drugged out hippies not my cup of tea to taste test.
However, I'm having trouble accepting the fact that other people can't be as open to the whole picture as I strive to be myself.
I don't mean to preach. I know that I'm no God send of a person myself. I have my faults, and that I can openly admit. I swear too much, have strong morals and can be very selfish, especially when it comes to helping out my mother on occasions.
However, there are some things I pride myself on; those little things that set me apart from my peers. For example, my want to do everything better and go that extra mile no matter how tired I am. To not say no, and to do my best to help out. To not leach off of other peoples hard work, and to carry my own weight. To have my moments to bitch and moan, but when it comes down to it know that I did everything I could possibly do, and if no one else does there isn't much I can do. I did what was right and deep down, I'll be able to sleep at night.
I don't want to point fingers. I'm not blogging to trash people online. It's just that my frustrations killing me. I've been trying so hard to accept that things are the way they are; that I'm doing all I can. To not let the little things dig deep into my subconscious. To know that I can't control the fact that things are not the way they once appeared.
I've gotten an overload of information in the past couple of weeks. All about the human race as I know in general. Young people, old people, people I've know forever, and people I've just recently met. You name it, I feel like I've suddenly gotten a light bulb moment concerning it. I feel like I've been looking through one of those broken glass cups. I'm sure you've seen them before. It's purposely cracked, to refract the light in different ways and make things appear differently. And now, all of a sudden, the cracks are gone. And what I thought was one way, is now completely different.
Part of me now, as sad as it makes me to say, is seeing why the older generation is worried about us. It makes me sad that we as a whole have yet to realize the potential we have. Even the so called elite among us I feel like aren't going outside their own world. That they aren't looking beyond themselves and the five hours they spent yesterday working, while many have spent five hours daily for weeks on the same thing.
It's not just us though. Not just those of us from the late 80's, early 90's. I've seen just as much selfish behavior coming out of those who've been around the blocks a couple of times, if you know what I mean.
It's not your right to get to be selfish for so long, and then suddenly 'see the light'. I've had to see the light for quite awhile when it comes to you, so why do now you get to switch out the light bulb? Why do now you get to decide how I should view the rest of the world through my glass house now. The walls were the pink of innocence, and now I'm becoming so jaded and shaded I can barely see through the grey fog that surrounds it.
It worries me that I've become jaded, and unable to accept these things. I'm 19. Shouldn't I get to believe the best in people for a little bit longer? Get a little bit more time to run through the fields of poppy's, and kick up the dirt in my red sparkly slippers.
I guess I'm not jaded. I guess what it comes down to is that I look at these people and wonder, 'Is this what I'm like too? Is this what they see when they look at me?'
And I think that's what worries me most. That what I see in others is also in me. That these things I cannot accept emanate from me just as much.
How can I make a difference if I'm part of the problem?
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