I am so incredibly proud of my ladies tonight.
It just made me realize how much I'm going to miss them all next year.
It made me realize how much I'm going to miss my staff, and being an RA. It's made me realize that as much as I will miss them, I know that pursuing a career in Student Affairs is the right choice.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
All those things
I have these vast expanses of Word documents, littered with hundreds of words. Slam poems, inspiring quotes, thoughts from my day, anger, happiness, questions, feminism -- you name it, I've got a word document somewhere brimming with texts from my mind.
It's overwhelming sometimes because I just have so many things I want to share. There are so many thoughts, and things I wish to bring to the world and I'm afraid that I'm going to run out of time. I'm afraid that I don't have enough days to share all the things I find, or that I don't have enough words to bring about my thoughts. I listen to music, wondering why there isn't a more suitable way to get information out. Everyday I find something else that interests me, something that makes me think. Researching medical marijuana has been insanely gratifying, just for the sole purpose of more information, about things I don't know. I love reading things that other people write, seeing pictures, hearing stories. I love listening to all the different plots on the spectrum of sexuality there are, and I love hearing about people's experiences finding themselves outside of the gender role norms. Religion, or any faith based beliefs wrap themselves around my mind as I wonder about the balance between the having good values and using the church to encourage these values. I wonder about the belief of a higher power, and I wonder about finding the higher power in myself. How did the Buddhists wander around the country, and what exactly did they find in their enlightenment? What sort of experiences cemented their ideas about life and the path they had chose. The volcano that's brewing underneath Yellowstone? How tornadoes form? What is the plot line of Doctor Who, and what exactly does 'Bad Wolf' mean?
Why do young women not value themselves, and why are gender stereotypes still alive? How do you play the guitar, and how does a person have a good singing voice? Is it part of your vocal cords, or something in the data in your brain?
I spend so much time thinking and learning, and processing that I find myself running out of time in the day to put my thoughts to good use. I want to share my knowledge with people, and I want to encourage them to find their lust for information. I want to remind young girls that they don't need a man to be complete, and that they don't need someone else to be whole. I want to remind people of the struggles going on within our own country in terms of sexism, poverty, and sexual assault. I want to open people's eyes to the complexities behind weather, and the actual definition of mental illness. I want to educate people on anxiety, and how to take care of yourself. I want to help people the way that other people have helped me.
I am going to help people. I am going to do something with this information. Even if it means being a motivational speaker who lives down by the river in a van, god damn it I will.
So there really isn't a point to any of this, besides the fact that I haven't posted in awhile and I wanted to clear my mind of all the things that are circulating throughout it. Or at least clear them of the miscellaneous so I can focus on the fact in one week, I might be interviewing with a future employer and figuring out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. No big deal of anything.
I really just wish I could be the next Andy Rooney. That would be the best way to put all my ridiculous talents together.
It's overwhelming sometimes because I just have so many things I want to share. There are so many thoughts, and things I wish to bring to the world and I'm afraid that I'm going to run out of time. I'm afraid that I don't have enough days to share all the things I find, or that I don't have enough words to bring about my thoughts. I listen to music, wondering why there isn't a more suitable way to get information out. Everyday I find something else that interests me, something that makes me think. Researching medical marijuana has been insanely gratifying, just for the sole purpose of more information, about things I don't know. I love reading things that other people write, seeing pictures, hearing stories. I love listening to all the different plots on the spectrum of sexuality there are, and I love hearing about people's experiences finding themselves outside of the gender role norms. Religion, or any faith based beliefs wrap themselves around my mind as I wonder about the balance between the having good values and using the church to encourage these values. I wonder about the belief of a higher power, and I wonder about finding the higher power in myself. How did the Buddhists wander around the country, and what exactly did they find in their enlightenment? What sort of experiences cemented their ideas about life and the path they had chose. The volcano that's brewing underneath Yellowstone? How tornadoes form? What is the plot line of Doctor Who, and what exactly does 'Bad Wolf' mean?
Why do young women not value themselves, and why are gender stereotypes still alive? How do you play the guitar, and how does a person have a good singing voice? Is it part of your vocal cords, or something in the data in your brain?
I spend so much time thinking and learning, and processing that I find myself running out of time in the day to put my thoughts to good use. I want to share my knowledge with people, and I want to encourage them to find their lust for information. I want to remind young girls that they don't need a man to be complete, and that they don't need someone else to be whole. I want to remind people of the struggles going on within our own country in terms of sexism, poverty, and sexual assault. I want to open people's eyes to the complexities behind weather, and the actual definition of mental illness. I want to educate people on anxiety, and how to take care of yourself. I want to help people the way that other people have helped me.
I am going to help people. I am going to do something with this information. Even if it means being a motivational speaker who lives down by the river in a van, god damn it I will.
So there really isn't a point to any of this, besides the fact that I haven't posted in awhile and I wanted to clear my mind of all the things that are circulating throughout it. Or at least clear them of the miscellaneous so I can focus on the fact in one week, I might be interviewing with a future employer and figuring out what the hell I'm going to do with my life. No big deal of anything.
I really just wish I could be the next Andy Rooney. That would be the best way to put all my ridiculous talents together.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
I am so calm, that it almost makes me feel claustrophobic. This light veil of calm is shrouding me in the presence of everything and everyone who needs a piece of me these days. It's not the normal adrenaline racing, skin busting blast of so many things pouring out of my pores that I can barely breathe as the essence gushes forth from every crack within my self-made armor against the anxiety and stress. The fear that threatens to split the seams of the body I am wrapping around my soul tighter and tighter, in efforts to protect it's fragile glass encasement.
No, it's like wearing a silken cloak that swirls and holds me together while protecting me from the outside world. Not protecting me from my own misplaced actions and reactions, but guarding me against the gaping black hole of society. I am no longer working to protect my mind from myself but to protect myself from the mind of the masses.
The calm gives me protection as I control myself. As I control every aspect of my self and my being. I am no longer threatened by my own mind but embrace my ability to control it, and use it wisely.
It's almost scary the sense of control I have, even as the world around me shifts again, the next big shake of the continental plates as my world evolves. The safe haven of Pangaea and young adulthood is slowly being ripped apart as the real world beckons outside.
No, it's like wearing a silken cloak that swirls and holds me together while protecting me from the outside world. Not protecting me from my own misplaced actions and reactions, but guarding me against the gaping black hole of society. I am no longer working to protect my mind from myself but to protect myself from the mind of the masses.
The calm gives me protection as I control myself. As I control every aspect of my self and my being. I am no longer threatened by my own mind but embrace my ability to control it, and use it wisely.
It's almost scary the sense of control I have, even as the world around me shifts again, the next big shake of the continental plates as my world evolves. The safe haven of Pangaea and young adulthood is slowly being ripped apart as the real world beckons outside.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Inspiration
The Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Monday, February 3, 2014
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