Today, when I was talking to my coworkers about my plans for the evening, they all seemed dismayed at the fact that I was planning on watching a movie, and spending the evening by myself.
However, I feel exactly the opposite. Don't get me wrong, I love people. I feel like I excel at my RA job, and I miss my girls daily. I love spending time with people, and enjoying myself. There is a catch though. There are few people that I wish to share things with, not the masses that surround me.
I'm not a friend collector. I don't absolutely ADORE everyone, and I don't feel the need to call everyone my best friend. If I call you that, it means something. It's not something I throw around, like a left over paper weight to hold down someones ego.
I mean it. I would prefer to have three spectacular friends before I would like to have 900 friends on my Facebook page. I want someone who I can spend time with, and knows me. Understands that as much as I love them, I still enjoy the quiet moments alone.
I can make small talk, and converse, but I don't find the need to talk un-endingly at work. I don't feel like I need to befriend the masses, to endure the endless stories of someone I don't plan on ever seeing again after the summer ends. It's just an example, but you catch my drift. I can make fringe friends easily, but to enter the inner depths of my mind you need to be a bit more important to me.
Which brings us to why, spending the night alone to me isn't the worst thing ever. In fact, it's a refreshing change to have some quiet time. Alone, blogging, and moving my mind more than my body. I don't want to waste my night, filling it with idle small talk just to appease the more extroverted people around me. I shouldn't have to force myself to do something because it isn't particularly understood by those around me.
I get it, it's hard for people to understand this. The want for solitude and quiet. For the pressure to be gone, and the excitement to be more of what movie I watch next, instead of what crazy thing that wasn't in the plan that I carefully made we're doing next. I know people thrive on it, and embrace it willingly. Sometimes, I find myself doing the same thing.
But I also enjoy the solitude. The quiet steps that my mind leads me when I reflect on my life in the past few days.
I love the excitement of going out, and seeing people I care about. But I also enjoy the time with me, myself and I.
I believe in living the moments in both world to the fullest. And tonight, I'm living up my solitude with Tootsie.
