First world pity party

My heart hurts. I hate having to lay down law, but I know I'm too easy going, to free flowing, to lenient on the things that I probably should have addressed. Which is what is creating all these issues. It's my own damn fault and now it's time to man up and face the music that I created, all on my own.

It still sucks though. That people can assume the worst about me, when in all reality it's because I care so much about them that I haven't done anything.

Welcome to my first world pity party.

I have absolutely no sympathy for stupidity.

What I want today? I want my words to help heal others, and give them the strength to continue on. I want others to feel strong, and to know that they are special. Important. Worth every single second that they are on this earth, and impacting the world around them.

I want my words to give others the hope that they have made the choice that is right, and to revel in the feeling of making their life work for them.

I want my words to heal my own selfish soul and to realize that sometimes, letting those you love move on in the world is sometimes the only way you can help.

Demobulicans, Republicrats; Where do you stand?

I don't choose my political opinions to please someone else. Nor do I change myself in any form, bend to the will of others to appease some pipe dream of who I should be. So why should I be subject to the gripe-ing  of the nation, and the forced complacency that is thrust down my throat with it. The idea that they (whomever you want to assume 'they' are) are given the freedom of speech but that I, am not.

I like to believe myself to be fair minded, to be open to the opinions and differing thoughts of others. All I ask is that you be open to the ideas that I share. The only thing I 'shove' down peoples throats? Acceptance. The  idea that we are ALL humans, and that even if our ideas differ, the least we can do is offer the respect needed to let them live their lives quietly, in whatever fashion they choose too.

It does not affect me, who has two moms, or who finds their solace in watching underground zombie movies. Nor does it affect me in what people choose to do with their religion, or who they worship, or whose bed they have slept in the past three nights. What affects me is their attitude towards myself as a human, and their opinion on who gets a voice.

As a single, heterosexual female, I feel victimized as well. I can begin the feminism  rant that so many believe  a woman like me to believe in. That's not what I'm here for though. That's not what I want to get out of this, What I want to get out of this is that I have an opinion. That I have a voice, and that no one should be able to tell me that I am wrong. Disagree, yes. Differ in belief, I hope so.

The thing is though, no one has any right to tell me that I am wrong. I don't tell you that you are wrong, misguided in your facts and quest for the betterment of the nation as a whole. So who are you, to judge my beliefs, when we each see things through hazy glasses of different colored smoke?

I may not be right in any number of my choices. I could be 110% wrong for all I know. But who are you to tell me that I don't deserve the right to be heard? I don't stereotype all Republicans to be homophobic chauvinists who wave their guns around at anything that moves, nor do I stereotype Democrats to be unwashed hippies who believe in sex for everyone, no matter the cost.

Because does it matter? In the end, does what animal you stand behind signify who YOU are as a person? Are you encased in the form of elephant vs donkey for all eternity? Why should we as a society, be held back by two animals that represent us in the most minimalistic form? When you die, is the only thing you want to leave behind is a stick figure animal carved onto your headstone?

I don't want to be seen as one of the millions. I want to be seen for what I am; a young woman, attempting to attain an education to someday make the difference.

This isn't supposed to be a blog post, promoting one side or another. In all reality, both are lacking greatly. What it's supposed to be is an eye opener. The quick light switch flip to hopefully cue someone in to the idea that maybe it might be a good idea, to find a common goal again. To work towards something that can actually benefit the nation as a whole, rather then one sector.

We are all Americans, but more importantly, we are all human. Our election process  and our lives, not only effect ourselves, or one another, but the entire world as a whole. Instead of choosing to jump on the bandwagon, and follow the mundane slogans that the whole country knows, branch out. Delve into the information that is out there. Use the resources given to you for your own knowledge. Use your brain and decide on what you want.

I'm voting in this election for me. I'm doing my research, and I'm figuring out where my faith needs to lie in. I'm not listening to someone tell me what to do, if they sure as hell aren't going to give two shits about what I say. I'm not wasting my breath and information on dull ears. All I know is that I care enough to be educated. That I care enough about the world and those around me to decide on the choice for the common good, not just my own personal advancement. We are all human, and we all deserve equal voices. Equal treatment, and equal respect.

All I ask is that someone cares enough to listen.

The terrible moment when you actually feel too much; when you can't turn your mind off and you need to learn to step back, breathe, and understand that sometimes, people need to make their own mistakes. You can help to a certain extent, but at some point, all it's going to do is kill you slowly.

She's a fighter when she's mad

Is it conceited to read back upon my old blog posts, and get lost in the sea? To ebb and flow with my moods, and vibes, and to re-conquer old fears? To get lost in the translucency of my feelings stuck in black and white for eternity.

To re-learn old mistakes, and to re-discover the joy that comes along with new experiences. To relish the thought that even if I am still me, I have grown in only ways words can show?

I have become stronger, and more sure of myself with each passing day. I can do this, and I can do whatever I happen to put my mind too.

But sometimes, reading back in time as I realize it, is just what I need to push me to continue.

When your in the lost and found

She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him
Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,
And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,
She's answered by the tail lights
Shining through the window pane

I'm not really sure what it is about country music

Why for some reason these songs make me think

Just that little bit extra, that little bit 

more

He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin' man
You ain't ever gonna change
You gotta gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'

But for some reasons, it's not always sad thoughts

it's remembering the good times

Those things that we as a society, tend to forget.

That we tend to move past

That we tend to disregard as flukes

That society as a whole is nothing more than 

failure

At a truck stop diner just outside of Lincoln,
The night is black as the coffee he was drinkin',
And in the waitress' eyes he sees the same 'ol light shinin',
He thinks of Colorado
And the girl he left behind him

Not that I'm any better all the time

I tend to focus on those things 

That weigh me down, and pull my heart 

Through my ribs, and out

He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
She said you're ramblin' man

But I know that there is good

That I am good

That I can trust, and that the good of people is overpowering

More than the things

That my mind lingers on

You ain't ever gonna change
Got a gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'(born for leavin')

It's a generational thing

And if I expect others to change

I must be willing to change my behavior

as well

Well it's a winding road
When your in the lost and found
You're a lover I'm a runner
We go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here

At the end of the day,

We're all human. 

And we all make mistakes

And sometimes, we get stuck

In the colder weather

And need just a little help

To thaw

Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then
Cause I'm a ramblin' man
I ain't ever gonna change
I gotta gypsy soul
And I was born for leavin' (born for leavin')

To open your frozen eyes

And take in the good things in the world

Like Sunday morning breakfasts,

and spending time with people you love

Instead of focusing on the old

And only remembering the things

That hold you back 

And when I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait till then
I can't wait till then

Because in the end

you only get so much time

so why waste it on things that don't make you happy

before the colder weather sets in 

#honestyhour

I listen to love songs in my room, in hopes that someone will care enough about me to come and dance with me. 

Because in all honesty, the reason I hate weddings is because I have no one to dance with.

I don't think I could ever be with someone who doesn't want to dance with me. To me, dancing is just as good as any sweet words. Dancing is just another way to see who someone really is.